just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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