MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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