we're chasing vodka with high fives
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
did i walk over a car last night?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
