So drunk its hurt
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
