he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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