This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize