I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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