rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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