last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
