so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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