FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have aggressive nipples.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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