i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
