..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
