The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
