dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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