And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
nutella sex= disaster
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
