so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Where is the hickey?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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