WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
