my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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