Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize