shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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