If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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