is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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