I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
tell me about the eggs
Randomize