I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
