Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
