im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize