Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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