I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize