I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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