I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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