She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
