the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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