Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
