bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what day is it and did you see me today?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
