my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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