ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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