I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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