I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
