my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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