I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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