can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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