She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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