I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
