Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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