he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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