it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize