i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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