Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
