The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
