the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
