I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
