i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
