Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
