Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
