actually, I'm a sock model
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
