I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
