my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
