I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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