4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
