If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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