it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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