i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
