hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
