Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
