jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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