so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
