i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
