guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
