I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
