i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
