TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
