This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
