I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
