Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
