we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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